fitting in.

From the moment that I set foot in UST Law, it felt like home. Everyone is smiling back to everyone. The Spanish inspired buildings made me feel like in Laguna. This feeling is big deciding factor of where law school I should enroll in. True to my gut feel, I love UST. The people are nice. My classmates are the best. And law school is still law school.

I have my new friends but most of the time I still feel alone. I feel like I don’t belong. No one ever gave me reason to feel that way, it is my insecurities that is harboring this feeling. Most of my classmates are from well-to-do family. We are a working class but most of my classmates has a fall back whenever they can’t juggle law school and work anymore. This is not the case for me. I have to work to send me and my brother to school. My classmates can afford to get tired but I can’t. I am going through a lot lately and I can’t even open up to any of them because I am afraid that they would not understand where I am coming from. It is times like this that I miss JM and how we were in UP.  He knows me too well and I can tell him everything, even those things I think he wouldn’t really need to know. Or maybe, I just need someone now who will understand what I am going through and I am judging my new friends that they can’t understand me.

The situation I am in is already a hard battle, it becomes harder the moment I decided to fight this battle alone. Every night, I arrive in our condo with no one to go home to. I want someone who will at least see how tiring my day was and tell me that everything would be ok. I also need someone to be there to listen to my happy stories whenever I nail a recitation. But I have no one. The best I can do is to text Nanay and she would not even know that I am crying.

Every now and then, I’ll look at how big my classmates are and I look down to how small I am. I ask myself if I really fit in, if I will really be a lawyer. Of course, I am working hard for it. With my intellect and looks and social standing, will I ever fit in in the lucrative profession of law?

And at this very moment, do I even fit in this group of great people called USTLAW 1aa? With the Cielo I know, I think not. I am hoping otherwise though.































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