To My Superman

I know there are already a lot of published stories of goodbyes and lost love and I can’t think of anything unique about this story but I want the whole world to know how you changed my life for the better. This is a story of a girl who saw a superman in a very ordinary Clark Kent.

My wishful thinking would always include being saved by my Superman. He is a tall, dark and handsome man who loves books and basketball at the same time. My Superman would save me from the dilemmas that I imagine to have in the future and then we will fly up, up and away and never return. I fell for a Lex Luther, got hurt, and started abandoning the idea of being saved. My wishful thinking changed. Why would I want to have a Superman who can save me when I can be my own Superwoman? I started changing myself to become one. I am juggling law school, work, eldest daughter obligations, social life, an online journal and a ton of self-inflicted insecurities. I thought that when I qualified to be in the Dean’s List, despite everything, I somewhat became the superwoman I wanted to become.

Then you came. Or maybe, the right way to put it, then you started seeing me.

You are not what I imagined my Superman to be. The truth, you are quite the opposite of how I imagined my Superman looks like. Although I must admit, you give handsome more justice than any other man I know. You do love books but not the Political theories book that I am enjoying reading. And you do play basketball but I still haven’t seen you play so I barely know if your playing would count as to my standard of playing basketball. One day, I don’t know how and why, I just snapped out of my wishful thinking and I saw you and I felt that you are the one I have been waiting for so long.

How do I qualify where it all started? I really don’t know. Because for me, friendship retroacts from the day you met that person. And that is what we are, friends. You think that in our friendship, it is me who gives and supports you most of the time. But the number of times that I was there for you, they would never equate to the quality of support you showed me when I have no one. The messages you used to send me during mornings made my days. The random calls you would make just to check if I’m okay made my miserable days bearable. The fact that it was you whom I was talking to when the clock ticked 12 last New Year made me realize of what you really are in my life and what I want you and me to become. I could tell more stories about you and me and how you made me so happy but I choose not to. I am afraid that all the magic and butterflies in my stomach would be gone. There is only one problem when I wished for a superman, he is also in search for a Lois Lane. I am not a Lois Lane material. I’m that kind of girl who just stays in the sidelight. I am never a leading lady material. No super person would want to be with me when he has the choice to be with any other girl that he likes. He would not settle for someone just like me. He would want the best and that is what I forgot to take into consideration. Reality sets in, there may be a superman as I wished but he won’t fall for a non-Lois Lane type like me.

When I was very frustrated about how the beautiful things turned into this mess, I called you my kryptonite. I was there, struggling but winning on my claim to be a Superwoman, I was resolved on the fact that I don’t need to be saved because I can very well take care of myself. I was on top of my ballgame and then you came and made me weak in every aspect of the word. You can tell me to jump off a cliff and I would just ask you ‘how many times?’ Surprisingly, you still don’t know your power over me. All those frustrations faded the moment you smiled at me. I should not be entertaining all the negativities. I am thankful that my wishful thinking happened. It doesn’t matter how long it lasted because every minute is worth it. I just want you to be happy, even if it means doesn’t including me in your life.

Thank you for saving me when my world was falling part! I am pretty sure you do not know that you have this impact on me, but still, thank you! And even if you don’t love me the way that I love you, every time we spent together is a second to be grateful for. I was not given the chance to fight for this one, for you, but know this, if only I was the one to make the choice, I would choose you every time. You are a wish that I would never get, an awesome person I would never deserve.

But if by some twist of fate, you realize that you do not need a Lois Lane to save, a superwoman is still waiting for you, ready to take all the kryptonite if that would mean having you by her side.

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