These past few days went really well for me, in all aspects of my life.
It is very rare that I admit to myself that everything is going well. I am used to the feeling that there should be something wrong, in one way or another, there must be something wrong. Then I realized that this is where I get all those insecurities which make me really, really, really sad most of the time. Also, I dwell on the past too much. Going back to old blogs and old pictures and remembering every date and every detail would not be healthy for me. Let’s say I am not moving on, that I am only growing up, it would still not be good to dwell on things which already happened and set these things as standards.
I am not earning as much as I used to. I did not made it to the Dean’s List this semester. I am 10lbs heavier. I do not have a boyfriend. I failed a subject.
So what do I do now?
Recently, I went back to putting some blush on and lipstick when going to school. And it helps. More than the physical change it brought me, this act made me more confident. My new look was appreciated by my friends and some classmates and it feels good. I am on track again with my studies, having been able to catch up with my backlog, finally! And I am enjoying this time alone. Not that I want to be alone. But I would not be miserable just because I am alone.
You get the love you think you deserve. When I was thinking so little of myself, I end up attracting people who thinks little of me too. I am smart and beautiful. Any guy would be lucky to have me.
Because as Barney put it, “when I get sad, I stop being said and be awesome instead. true story.”