I arrived here at the office with a big frown. I’m sad, I think it is normal that I am frowning. Ze office mate entered our office and started playing that Beatles playlist which usually turn my mood around. For a time, it did. C’mon what else could go wrong with The Beatles?
Everything is wrong.
Last night, I broke down in front of all my friends. I started the night strong, I went to McDo for early dinner and to study for Credit. I finished the cases and assigned provisions. Then, there was the constant feeling again. I started to throw out the few pieces of fries and mcfloat. And of course, as expected, my asthma hit in. They all panicked. I was calm, I did my own inhaler as if I am already an expert on taking care of myself because of my self-induced agony. Then I saw blood when I spit out. I panicked. I told Christel. Then I looked at Krae, then I looked at Angel and I just broke down. Crying like a baby.
I am totally over this phase of my life. I’m a lot stronger than this.
Krae asked me if I want to talk about it. My voice just cracked, what would I tell them? I have nothing to talk about. That is the problem, I have nothing. I am so tired of all these chasing and running, I think I deserve better. I deserve even the silliest excuse. I deserve a conversation, even one last.
Or maybe, I am a pathetic and insane person who deserves nothing?