Dear JAK

 

 

Dear JAK, 

How are you guys? I haven’t seen you three in ages and I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I do not want to see you, it is just ironic that you guys hurt me in the deepest way anyone could hurt a friend. Let us just leave it at that. I heard you guys have this wonderful life, started with new jobs and topped criminal law exams, I bet you guys are happy doing your thing. You three moved on from UST, from me. 

It is not a bad thing that you moved on from UST and all the unhappy events you had there. In fact, I am happy for the three of you. I am happy that you found the place where you want to be. The place you found all set a distance away from me but it is for your own good and no good friend questions that. 

Sorry for kinda pushing you guys away. I might have done something which made you three realize that you need to cut me off. And please, don’t deny that you didn’t. You three did cut me off. Of course, a clingy friend like me would feel that. You have your own reasons- being out of place in the law world, I was the one who literally pushed you away- or no reason to give me. For sure, in your world, it was the right thing to do. In my world, I feel left behind and not chosen. I waited. I waited long and patiently that any one of you would, at the very least, make an effort to contact me and know if I’m still the same person you left before you guys go on and look for the right place to find happiness. The random times I would text you because I am in desperate need of a friend, or when I am almost on the verge of cutting myself, or when I am throwing out everything in my stomach, you would not reply. And when you do, I can manage to fake an “okay lang ako“. 

I couldn’t blame you for not wanting me anymore. I could not even want myself. Maybe, just maybe, you can’t handle my drama anymore. I love you guys more than I love anyone outside my family. I heard you guys are already talking. I could only guess, you talked and resolved whatever issue you had. And I’m still clueless with everything. 

I hope you guys found the selves you three thought you’ve lost, though I always saw you guys as perfect. Maybe, sometime in the future, when your sched isn’t so busy, you manage to remember your old friend. 

Love, 

C

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