The Birthday Girl a.k.a. The Bitch

I WILL BE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY IN TWO DAYS!!!! #icapslockmoparaintense 

I am so self-centered like that during my birthdays that I have to put that on caps lock. I was born on May 23, 1989 and as mathematics taught me, I will be turning twenty four in two days. Filipino tradition dictates that there are certain birthdays which you should celebrate more grand than usual- 1st, 7th, 18th for girls, 21st for guys and 50th. During my 7th birthday (the first birthday I can really remember), I only had a small celebration. I did not had a big party with hats, clowns and magicians. We just had a small lunch. My Nanay and Tatay both resigned from their work and that is the best we could afford. However, when it was my brother’s 7th, we celebrated it at McDo with all the ‘happy meal’  mascots. Childish but I never moved on from this discrepancy of celebration. Ever since, I wanted a big children’s party for a celebration. 

I also have an issue with the timing of my birthday. First, it is a 23rd, far from 15th and 30th meaning far from payday, which also means that people don’t have money. And it is on May which is a summer vacation so I never get to celebrate it at school. I want that a school celebration. I want walking around the corridors receiving greetings from people. I want to be surprised with a birthday cake and a birthday song. 

Given these circumstances, I became a self-centered birthday bitch. Every once a year, I allow myself to think of what I want first before anything. I do not have that privilege in my life, except every May 23. So for my birthday, I want things to be in my control even in the smallest details. For my debut, I had a poetry reading instead of traditional wishes because I love poetry and it is my day so it should be personal. Last 2010, I had four birthday celebrations just because I wanted four- pre-birthday with friends, birthday salubong with family, overtime birthday celebration with officemates, and birthday date with the ex. Last year was an exception though. I was surprised by my law school friends with a children’s party. 

But I think this year will be different. The bitch is nowhere to be found. Maybe, she has given up on life too. Maybe, she understands that she really does not deserve even just one day where the universe will revolve around her. I hope she find herself soon. I kinda miss her. 

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