Through the Rain

Metro Manila and nearby provinces were soaked in flood water brought about by typhoon Maring. Classes and office work were suspended. I got stuck  in my dorm room with Angel and Christel with just instant noodles to get us going. The news revealed that we are in a better position than the other people. Some parts of Marikina and Malabon had waist deep flood. People from Tanza, Cavite didn’t even have food to eat. I know and I am thankful that I am safe and sound in my dorm. 

But deep inside me, there is a stronger torrential rain that I need to defeat. And I need to do it alone. I made a decision, one random night, to cut off the last stroke of connection I had with you, with my mediocre happiness. You made me do it. You did. No, I won’t be taking any blame on this. My only mistake is that I loved you and hoped for something that could never be, that’s it. All of this, it is all your fault. 

delete number? *press* delete. 

You wouldn’t even find out. You need not find out. It was liberating. There was a knife in my heart which kept on cutting wounds, each cut deeper, that was pulled out. It was very painful pulling the knife out but once the knife was out the healing process begun. Almost nine months passed, and I am still stranded on the same ground where I thought you would return. I went through the six degrees of separation and five stages of grief for a relationship that never even existed. We had our moment but that was it. 


It took me eight months and twelve days to finally realize that I have been stupid, so stupid. I still have a long way to go before I can really say that I made it though this rain but my journey to that long road has just started. Sure it will be painful and difficult but it surely is the road to getting back my self, my unbroken self.

You took me beyond where I could see and then you let go of me. I was damaged by the fall, got the wind knocked out of me. To be standing here at all, I must be invincible.” 

Invincible. That song keeps on repeating on my head. In the end, I’m still whole. I’m ready to go through the next rain, the next storm. But for now, I have to give myself sometime to heal.  


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